i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
