You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
