Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
