Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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