Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
These tits shall not be calmed
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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