I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
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I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
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My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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