She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize