before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm getting married
To pizza
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
