ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
