i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i was born a porn star she said
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
