my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
