Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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