Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
