I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Randomize
