My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
