woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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