she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
We are two peas in an std pod
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
