Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
