just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
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