As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
