you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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