Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
porn star boner night. come get it.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
