dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
