You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
