so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
