Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
