I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Randomize
