me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
