I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
