Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
