They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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