he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
