Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
