I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
