My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
