He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
