More tranny stories later!
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
And then he peed in my hair
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