conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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