I love black thongs
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
tell me about the eggs
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