So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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