So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
