mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
