There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
