So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
he just fucked me for my cheese.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
