I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
