I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize