She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
