The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
