Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
