he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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