Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
