Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Randomize
