We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
