Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize