i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
what is it with giant penises always finding me
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
