We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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