i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
