Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
