oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
