I'm eating all of the evidence.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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