At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
