So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize