I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
should my penis look like a turkey
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
