garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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