If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Randomize
