I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
