Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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