So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
