You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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