my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
