i jhust puked up my retainher.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
