My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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